Goldfish #5 Out of the Bowl

If I were writing a soap opera this is the part of my life that would get the best ratings. I began work at a TV station for nearly no money, played in a band and was one of two eligible guys in a group of twenty news women. While I would love to entertain all the bored house wives out there, I will save the good stuff for my deathbed memoirs.
The reality, when the buzz of year one on my own wore off, was broke, no longer in a band and engaged. Certainly the bright spot in this cold shower was Andee. If there is ever a story of love sneaking up from behind this was it. We had known each other for years and worked one desk away for seven months then one day we were crazy for each other. With the exception of a rough spot here and there it has been that way for thirteen years. And while she would have probably never signed on to what was to come if she had known, she didn't.
I first saw Andee (Andrea Wattelet) from a Freshman dorm window. I was watching football in the community tv room when we heard a bunch of girls yelling outside. "Someone tell those bitches to shut up!" one gentlemen suggested.
"No way," another replied. "One of them is hot."
That was enough to get everyone to the window. It turned out the hot one was my future wife.
We ended up declaring the same major and got to know each other briefly during a couple shared classes. We had a couple mutual friends but never got to know each other all that well until we both ended up working at the local ABC affiliate. The job was basically announcing every "hot deal" a local store came up with but we did get our pictures taken with a philandering Soap Star and party with some drunken sitcom folks who would have rather been dead.
After a couple weeks of dating we decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together wherever one of us found some other job.

Goldfish #4 "Finally Legal"

My parents and I had some pretty good luck with our extract batches and I developed a taste for quality beer. But it was now back to college in Kirksville where my appreciation for crappy beer, pool, darts and the ladies moved into the front seat. By this time I had also celebrated my 21st birthday, and while I loved the home-brewed beer it was now awfully tempting to take the quick 8 pack of Rhinelander off the Hy-Vee shelf.
It is around this time in my life that I would have fallen hopelessly into the "Sex, Bad Beer & Rock and Roll" phase of my life if a band shake-up hadn't resulted in my friend Brad joining my college band as the drummer.
I first met Brad Freshman year of college. He happened to be in my English class. The only thing I remembered about the class was that it sucked and there was a guy in the class that claimed to play drums (probably in a mandatory essay on hobbies.)
Later that year we decided we needed a new drummer in the band and I said I knew a guy we should ask. I had never spoken a word to Brad during the class, but I was sure if I looked him up he would play with us. I couldn't have been more right. I walked over to his dorm room one Friday night and introduced myself. He remembered I was in his class and invited me in. We talked about music for about five minutes and he said he would be happy to bring his drums up from home and join the group. At least I think that's what he must have said before offering me half of a gallon jug of his finest wine.
Brad turned out to be a great addition to our band but even better for my future career. It turned out Brad's brother was a crazy homebrewer with automatic temperature gauges and everything. Within a year of first speaking with each other Brad and I had turned part of our rental house into a brewery. Our other roommate Ryan, who hadn't discovered beer yet, wasn't thrilled but didn't complain too much when the house smelled of boiling hops or shards of glass exploded everywhere in summer. We still stuck to extract malt brewing but we experimented like crazy.
By the end of my time at Northeast Missouri State University in May of 1996 I was sure my music career was about to take off, brewing was still a hobby and in the meantime I would make commercials at the local television station.

Goldfish #3 "The Early Brews"

Our first attempt was an IPA. It was all extract and all magic. I had no idea what all the pitfalls of brewing might be at that time, but I had very little to worry about. I had a clean-freak for a mother and a physics major for a father so my first brewery team was pretty stacked. Our risk of infection or missing a temperature by more than .00000005 of a degree was fairly low.
Our first brew day was a joy. We spent the day working on making sure the batch didn't boil over and discussing how many of these I would get to drink when they were done. As a 19 year-old idiot I wasn't even sure I would like it or I would have argued for a higher limit.
As fun as my first brew day was my life didn't really change course until the next day. The five gallons of heaven were closed in my chilly closet to ferment. Given that it was winter and my parents love low utility bills, my closet was a cozy 60F, but by the end of 24 hours an amazing scent began to bubble out of the airlock.
I am not a poet so this paragraph is hard to write effectively, but the aroma coming from that closet by day two was shear pleasure. A cool drink of water on a summer day. A deep breath on a mountain. A long walk on the beach .... and so on. Garbage. This was the meaning of life seeping from the top of what looked like a paint bucket.

"My God!" I thought. What will this stuff taste like if it smells this good. Surely nothing I have had from a can or keg ever smelled like this.
Of course I would later find out that it was mostly CO2 I was inhaling, but it was awefully fresh and nice.
The next two weeks were torture. Not only was my Christmas break rolling by at an alarming rate, this beer was taking forever. We did everything just as the instructions said. WAIT.
My parents even made me come back home one week after getting back to school in order to bottle it so it wouldn't be even one week off the prescribed schedule.
The bottling was significantly less fun than brewing as any homebrewer will attest. You work all day cleaning things only to taste beer that isn't yet a shadow of what it will be. This part dampened my enthusiasm a bit, but I was still anxious to see what the finished product would be like.
Finally the day came for the testing. I found that I liked beer, and I loved brewing. I can still remember the taste of the first batch of beer, but not nearly like the scent of each brewing step. Our IPA was nothing like American craft brewers produce today, but it was rich with a noticeable hop aroma and flavor.
My parents and I went on to brew several batches. I cherish each brew sheet, which still make up the opening pages of a binder that contains every batch I have brewed. More than the brewing was the gap it bridged for us. Our homebrewing was the excuse for my dad to buy cases of Rolling Rock (back when they had pop off tops) which we "had" to drink so we would have empty bottles. At that time buying empty bottles was more expensive than buying them with beer already in them. What a shame. It helped us get from the kid-parent relationship to the adult-adult relationship that only lucky families happen into.

Goldfish #2 Starting out

I can look back now and remember the exact day I became interested in brewing. I remember sitting in Brent Buckner's Biology class one afternoon in Science Hall. We were studying one-celled organisms and he began talking about yeast. Professor Buckner was a long-haired energetic fellow with a passion for genetics and beer. As I had hair down to my back by then, he was instantly one of my favorites.
At the end of the lesson he mentioned that brewing beer was a great way to learn about yeast and offered to provide anyone interested a copy of a home brewing catalog. I remember almost every single detail of this encounter except why I decided to stay. I could barely get a Natural Light down. Why in God's name did I want to brew beer myself? As the rest of the class filtered out of the room there was just three of us left. Me, Buckner and a young blonde girl who had a crush on the professor and was surely in desperate need of some extra credit.
"I just love science," she gushed. "I would really like to learn how to brew beer."
Prof. Buckner reluctantly handed her a copy of the William's Brewing Catalog. I'm sure he realized he would have been better off setting fire to it.
Finally she batted her lashes and hugged her useless catalog as she left the room.
"You want to give brewing a try?" Prof. Buckner asked me.
"I've really never thought about it until now, but it sounds fun. Maybe I could brew some over Christmas break," I replied.
The good professor went on to give me a brief overview of the process and even suggested which kit I would be best off with on the first try.
It didn't take long before I had the order form on the back cover filled out and ready to mail off. Hopefully all the ingredients would be home before Christmas. (God bless the internet!)
Fortunately for me I was making a quick trip home that weekend. I told my parents all about my plan to make five gallons of beer.
They were both on the case in a matter of minutes. (I have pretty cool parents.)
"What are you going to make it in?" my mother asked, obviously a bit concerned about the condition of her immaculate kitchen. "I think we better order the whole kit and get a big pot."
So they chipped in for the kit and I bought the ingredients. Dad and I headed to the hardware store for a canning pot leaving us with nothing to do but wait.
Finally the UPS man arrived with the much-anticipated shipment. The ingredients might as well have been a care package from Mars.
I had never even been on a brewery tour at this point. It was late 1993 and there weren't many brewpubs or home brew shops just yet. There were a couple bags of thick goo and another couple bags that looked like guinea pig pellets.
I don't recall the time line, but I'm sure we didn't wait long to make use of our new equipment and ingredients.

Goldfish in the Shark Tank #1

It is funny to look back to childhood and remember all the funny predictions adults made about your future endeavors. I remember all kinds of them from early on. Mom always thought I would be an architect. This was mostly based on a love of blocks as a five-year-old. Grandma thought I would be a professional golfer. She never saw me play, but it was fun to think about. Everyone in grade school seemed to think I was destined for greatness.
For some strange reason the optimism came to a grinding halt during high school and beyond. Apparently an obsession with girls, speeding tickets and detention doesn't spur the same whimsical thoughts in the older generations. But despite watching my hair grow much faster than my brain my family still held out hope. My poor father sat quietly as he watched my ears get pierced, my cars get wrecked and my life's focus become pizza spinning and playing drums. I did always manage to keep a job and while I'm sure things weren't going according to his plan at least I wasn't costing him money. To his eternal credit he smiled and welcomed me at the front desk of the division of the US Attorney's office he was in charge of. Leather biker jacket, waist-length hair and all. My family was so nice about underachieving I was completely shocked when my decision not to go to college met with resistance.
What could possibly be wrong with living in a small apartment and working at the mall pizza joint. (Still one of my favorite jobs.)
"Please take the ACT one more time," my mother pleaded.
"Don't worry Mom. I'll take some classes at the Community College. I'll be fine." I assured her.
I can only imagine this promise meant very little to her. She had already watched her son go from the 3rd ranked student in his class to the bottom 25% in one year.
"I'll let you take the van to Colorado for your ski trip if you try one more time." She begged.
"Fine."
"I'll show her." I thought.
So the night before the Saturday morning test I stayed up until 2am drinking all the NightTrain I could get my hands on. Surely a good hang over would make the four-hour test fly by.
Not the case.
I remember nothing of the morning of my second ACT except that I must have put my name on some else's exam. I only know the second part because two months later I got my results back and a full scholarship to any school in the state.
Never argue with your mother. They have weird powers.

So off to school I went. I was headed to Northeast Missouri State University (currently Truman State.) I came to this decision because of its fine academic reputation and the fact that my high school girlfriend would be attending. It turned out to be a great school that I and both my younger sisters attended, but I can take very little credit for that good decision.
It dawns on me now that very few of the good decisions in my life up to this point were mine. Better to be lucky they say.
This is probably also a good time to note that I was not a very big fan of beer at this point in my life. Since much of the rest of this story revolves around it in one way or the other it is notable that I only drank cheap beer because I would get laughed at for drinking wine. How many hippy,bug-driving rock drummers crush a wine goblet over their head after the show? By the end of my first year of college I suppose I had gotten used to it, but that is about it.
Sure, I was often the guy collecting the three dollars at the keg at various parties, but I always made a point to slam the first few draws to get past my dislike for whatever fine beverage was being tapped.
The first year of college came and went. There were classes, parties and regular trips back home. Grades were pretty good so far and I had chosen my future calling. Music.
There was only one problem with my chosen calling. I wasn't particularly good at music. I could play every instrument just well enough to get on stage, but not the kind of talent that "Behind the Music" stories are made of. I was still years away from being self aware about my musical shortcomings when my real passion crept in with very little notice.

Beer is for Fun

As a brewer, occasional writer and constant reader it is sometimes hard to keep a focus. There are certainly some things that are very easy to focus on. One must pay the bills and keep things rolling in the right direction. But the type of focus I am talking about is the "Why" of the beer business.
Most of us brewers start out home brewing. It is a hobby that combines all kinds of skills. It is 9 parts attention to detail and one part creativity. The challenge is closest to that in golf. Everyone can hit a good shot sometimes, but it takes a great deal more talent to do it regularly and the challenges are always just a bit different. It is this need for attention and detail that sometimes blur the real "Why" of beer.
Turn professional in this business and you get to add taxes and paperwork and there is even less time to smell the hops.
All this makes it necessary to sit down from time to time and make sure the "Why" is defined. In our case we are lucky enough to have an historic brewing site to take care of and hopefully over the years improve. Any history buff might think that is enough of a reason by itself, but there is more to it.
The bottom line is that beer is fun. Just look at this photo. No one by the camera is telling a joke or mooning the crowd. People are just drinking different beers and having a great time. Sampling all kinds of different flavors tells you a bit about yourself. "I don't usually like that type," is a common comment at a tasting. A person can literally find new ways to enjoy themselves through beer and tastings.
Some folks take the tasting more seriously creating rating systems and entire new languages to try to describe beer and its flavors. There is nothing wrong with this as long as the task itself is enjoyable to the person performing it. I often taste a new beer and try to pick out all the ingredients and methods used, but in the end either I liked it or I didn't. In most cases its just a matter of what occasion a beer is best suited for.
There will always be a certain joy in getting to do something everyday that I used to have to spend spare time doing, but the real reason for brewing is providing the entertainment. We are definitely not saving lives over here but making lives more fun to live seems like a worthy pursuit.

Contemplating Stout

As an owner of an Irish pub I have a unique take on stout. When other bars in the neighborhood are selling one stout to a die-hard, we are tapping several kegs a night. Not just on a snowy winter evening, but every weekend of the year.
I have to admit that I have not made it to Ireland myself, but all the stories lead me to believe that aside from the American lager invasion, the Irish still chug stout like it's water.
With this background it was impossible for the Guinness 250th Anniversary Stout to go untried.
I picked it up this evening and it started me thinking about stout in general even before I opened a single bottle.
Historically, stout is exactly what its name suggests. Brewers with very little control over their malting and temperatures occasionally overdid a porter. I'm sure this was sometimes intentional and often an accident. Stout porter could be higher in alcohol, color, bitterness or all of the above. This wild definition is still all that exists today. The only extra help one gets from the brewer today is the word "Imperial" if it is extremely high in alcohol.
This lack of information makes it hard to decide when to make one of these part of your day. There are a couple things that can help you decide. Alcohol content is one. A day at the beach and a 9% beer are probably not the perfect pairing unless you have a crush on the lifeguard and figure getting blasted and nearly drowning will help get attention. Summer is not usually the big time for stouts, but their durable character makes it something to think about. These beers are much less likely to get crappy if left in the back of the car for a couple days and often taste better a bit warmer if that should happen by accident.
Guinness also likes to point out that their stout is actually much lower in calories than one might expect. If you have ever tasted other stouts this claim isn't really that surprising. Aside from some dark malt there isn't much to American draught Guinness. It is currently manufactured in Canada which should be a clue.
Guinness is not the only stout made to last a whole evening. Many stouts on the market are lower in alcohol than pales and other light ales. You can even choose from coffee and espresso stouts that can help ward off drowsiness depending on how they are made.
As for the Guinness 250th Anniversary stout.
Stick to Extra Stout!

What is a Summer Beer?

Summer beer is an awfully meaningless term. Fall and Winter have pretty well defined styles that go with them. It is a safe be that July and August are not the biggest months for Double Imperial Stouts.
The beers most suited for summertime use are generally made all year long. You won’t catch me buying many, but if someone brought me a Bud Light just after I mowed the lawn it would probably sound pretty good.
Since their beers are already suited to summer the big guys are forced to offer “lime” beers or other Mexican knock-offs. As a guy who loves nearly all beers, these are a few I could do without. There are a few decent ones out there. Sol comes to mind. Just don’t get me started on Corona. There is a reason all those urban legends started.
As difficult as it is to make a box that summer beers fit in they can be very interesting.
Many are light. Boulevard here in KC makes Zon, which is a very light Belgian. Many use fruit or fruit flavors to make wheat styles into their summer offerings. I think these can be refreshing. The tartness of cherry or raspberry could help out in the heat. The problem comes in when brewers add a bunch of syrup. Sweet just doesn’t go with sweat in my book. I would rather see brewers make a nice, light wheat and let drinkers flavor it themselves. I realize this is a sin to many beer geeks, but I think a well placed lemon, lime, orange or jalapeno can be a great addition. We all have different tastes. Most folks don’t consider someone an idiot for adding a bit of salt to some potatoes.
When we developed our SunRye’s Ale up here in Weston we were looking to pack a bit more into the summer seasonal. We used the guideline of dryness as a guide. We still wanted to use a bunch of malt (crystal rye in this case.) But we wanted to do it without the sweetness. This all worked out fine. It is one of our favorites and something to look forward to each year. Still it didn’t scream SUMMER! Then one evening a friend brought over a couple of fresh limes and started squeezing them into his beer. “What the hell are you doing?” we asked. He just smiled and handed over the glass. PERFECT. I need to remind you that this beer is already fruity. A dry ale yeast fermented at somewhat high temps and crystal rye make for a unique flavor. I would have never guessed this one could take the citrus without being disgusting.
I suppose the point here is to have fun with the summer beers. There are all kinds of shandies and the like. Slug your Oktoberfest when the time comes. Sip your Winterfest, but for the next couple months go crazy. Enjoy all the variety and raise a toast to the fact that you aren’t drinking Zima.

Beer Dinner in Weston

The only thing better than a great beer is a great beer with and in food. You can only imagine my delight at the opportunity to host the Weston Brewing Company's first beer dinner of 2009. The event is Friday, February 20th beginning at 6:30pm. The hosted dinner will be in the Upper Pub. Appetizers begin at 6:30pm with dinner starting at 7pm. The meal and Weston Brewing Company beer will be $25 which includes pub entrance for the evening. The first 75 reservations will be in the pub with additional reservations in the restaurant available at a variety of times. Join me for a great night.
Below is the delicious menu...

Beer Dinner Menu

Crab Bowl Dip - Start things off with this refreshing crab dip. Made with our own Leaping Leprechaun beer. Try our new seasonal with this one.
Caldo de Queso - OK, we lost the Irish theme for a minute but we don't think you'll mind. This one is made with our Emerald Lager and that one is the perfect match for this course.

Entree Choices:

Grilled Swordfish - This is our Lent special this year and we couldn't wait to show it off. This one is grilled with our special Drop Kick Ale brewed for the Kansas City Wizards.
Beef & O'Malley's - This is a twist on our traditional beef & Guinness served in the restaurant for years. This was part of our first beer dinner ever and one of our favorites. Ofcourse, you will want to enjoy this with a Cream Ale.

Chocolate Truffles - Finish with some truffles made with Flying Monkey Stout for a dark rich flavor.

Pabst Welcomes Hunters

It seems like many years ago when I first noticed beers signs in windows and in bars that welcomed and encouraged hunting. In my college days in Kirksville MO such signs were the norm. A huge orange sign with a deer head that welcomed the hunters into the bar or politely requested they procure a case was in every window.
I will grant that we always thought this was an iffy marriage. Lethal force, and a chemical that causes you to use it unwisely. We laughed at the joke, but never thought much of it. We were in the Midwest, get used to it.
A decade later I am an avid hunter and a beer guzzler. What used to seem ridicules now makes some sense. While there is no doubt the beer companies try to tie things together for profit, there really is a common note.
For most hunters that aren't hunting because they are hungry, hunting is leisure, recreation and social. There is nothing better suited to a social setting than beer. No one is encouraging a drunken hunt, but don't show up at the lodge without the proper refreshment. There is a lot of time between dusk and dawn. There is no way you need that much sleep.
My advice to all is bring plenty of beer to enjoy after the hunt. Nothing helps you celebrate or drown your sorrows like sweet beer.

Winter Warms the Soul

The end of the year and the beginning of winter brings all sorts of traditions and fun. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are times of year that people remember for the rest of their lives. It always seems like this time of year creates memories that are even more vivid than other seasons. I can remember sounds and smells of these times like no other.
It is no wonder then that brewers take advantage of these sensory images to create some of the best beers of the years.
There are certain great seasonals all year long, but winter always brings out the most flavorful. It is very hard for a brewer to pack much flavor into a beer you will have to drink fast in order to avoid dehydration as in a Summer seasonal. Fall beers are a bit stronger, but brewers still have to keep in mind that many people are going to be at a festival drinking many beers at a sitting. If you brew a 9% beer this time of year there will be a good deal of cleanup.
That leaves winter as the brewer’s great white canvas. I remeber many years ago brewing a small batch of dark India Pale Ale. It was my first brew and it just seemed right in winter.
This is definitely the time of year to pick your favorite brewer and see what they have to offer. This is going to be the beer that should define them.
Sam Adams is one of the best examples of this. You can drink every one of the millions of Sam Adams flavors on the shelf, but you will never find one that beats Fezziwig Ale. It is hard not to be happy just looking at the bottle. Little Dickens characters dancing around on the front of the bottle. How could this possibly be bad. This beer blends all kinds of different flavors, but in the end they mix to make a warm feeling all their own.
This one tops my list, but there are many others. Here in Weston we brew our Festival Ale for the fall and winter holidays. A bit darker than an Octoberfest, this beer has a malty base that lasts into the cold nights.
Many brewers rely heavily on malt and alcohol to make their winter beers special. This is a great feature if you are relaxing at home in front of the fire, but can cause some problems if you have enjoyed very many of these treats at your favorite pub. This is not an overall problem as there are plenty of these beauties that are in the normal content range, but it certainly something to keep an eye on.
If you are not next door to Sierra Nevada, Sam Adams or any of the other producers of distributed winter beers, this is a great time to check out the local brewpub. Almost every small brewer is going to be trying their hand at something that is likely to be wonderful to sip with some food. Depending on the day, a stop by the Weston Brewing Company will lend you a chance to try one of Justin’s "Reserve" batches that are certain to warm the soul. These and many other reserve beers, are made with the first run off the mash of a standard beer. The result is a much richer flavor. These styles of beer are also a great way to enjoy the holidays.

The Low Cal Craze

There have been a bundle of fads in beer. We all remember such enduring sensations as "dry", "red" & "draft". Usually, one version of these fads endures and the rest fade away. The problem with fads is that it is hard to tell what to think of them while they are happening. Light beer was a fad that stuck. The malternative beverage fad is certainly lingering longer than most of us had hoped. (At least Zima faded.) The hardest one to call in a long time is the "Ultra" fad. Many years ago several brewers tried to make "super lights". Olympia made Oly Gold that had about 1 calorie and even less flavor. If memory serves Coors also had such a product. It wasn't until Michelob Ultra that it really caught on as a fad. We even had to start carrying the stuff in our Irish Pub.
Before I start to sound bitter or negative I must say that I often drink the stuff. Sometimes when I really should be drinking water, I will pick one up as a delicious water alternative. Unlike other bottled water, I know this has been boiled. I got really excited when Ultra Amber hit the shelves. The distributor brought me a couple samples and I was sold. Light and tasty. "I am probably using more calories opening this than it contains," I thought. Guess again. The damn thing has 114 calories. I don't know what the Ultra part stands for. Many beers have under 100 calories and many others are close to it. Even many stouts aren't much more.
I'm sure any true beer guzzler doesn't drink many beers based on the calorie count. A beer guzzler's diet should really be based on an overall number of calories per day. Simply subtract the number of calories you want to stick to per day and subtract the beer calories. That gives you the amount of calories left for food. If you intend to drink all your calories, just make sure you throw in a couple oatmeal stouts for nutrition.
I suppose there is no real revelation here. If you want to look like me or David Beckham you will have to join your Ultra Amber on the exercise bike plain and simple.

The Season of Cider

It's hard to tell who should be writing about cider. There are certainly more publications and articles about wine, and far more writers. I have to admit to not reading all that much wine literature, but I do scan the magazines enough to know that hard cider is very rarely a focus. I have read a cider article or two in the beer mags, but they seem afraid to do much more than a quick story.
The biggest reason for all this is surely the lack of cider quality and diversity. There are a few good commercial examples of cider, but they don't seem to be terribly popular. It is hard to say why. I would guess a new drinker takes down a few Woodchucks and wonders why they would ever drink another cider. Given the fact that most hard ciders have the flavor and sugar content of a green Jolly Ranchers, this is easy to understand.
Look for a cider with nothing but apples and yeast and I think you will have a different opinion. We were recently asked by a local cider maker to ferment some delicious juice. It was the first time I had cider with nothing but apples and I am sold. You can drink them all night. No stomach ache or diabetic shock. Just great apples.
Make it your goal as a guzzler this fall to find some great ciders. They are out there and they are worth the hunt.

RETRO?

I recently read a wonderful article in "All About Beer" magazine. It talked about the "Retro" beer movement. The article made the point that many younger people like to drink old canned brands in order to make a statement for or against something. They drink the beer to have something in common with a dad or grandpa and to give a big middle finger to snobs.
I am here to tell you there is no such thing as a retro beer movement.
There is a beer cycle that has been going on since I can remember, and I would have to guess it happened long before that.
I graduated from high school in 1992. My first can of beer was Pabst Blue Ribbon. It was the only brand of beer my cool friends would drink and it was a couple years before 1992. (Sorry Mom)
They drank only Pabst because it was better than Bud Light dammit and coincidentally less expense. Almost 20 years later the exact same thing is still happening. 20 years may be a flash if you are a mountain or rock, but it is a bit too long to be considered anything other than permanent in pop culture.
There is absolutely nothing for Freud to figure out here. I drank Pabst and many other "Retro" beers then and now because I don't like to drink the same thing everyone else drinks. I want people to come up to me and say, "Aw Jesus, you drink that!" So I can smile and say, "You're damn right."
I drink it so I can pour some in a Bud Light drinkers glass and laugh when they don't notice the difference.
During the last 20 years I have also learned a lot about the history of all the old brands and decided to make my living as a brewer and connoisseur, but that doesn't mean the 16 year-old rebel doesn't still get thirsty from time to time. When that happens I need a can of something obscure. Or, I guess, retro.

Sipping Beer

As a true beer guzzler I find something to appreciate in most every beer. You will find everything from NA to monsters in my frig. There really is a time and place for almost any beer. That said, I still have my favorites. I have always found the most to appreciate in a delicately balanced beer that can be consumed in fairly large quantities without instant liver damage. I have had a great time tasting some of the crazy brews. I even went so far as to make a pilgrimage to The Stone Brewery in San Diego where alcohol contents below 9% are rare. I just could never figure out where they fit in to social events. Am I supposed to bring them to a party after work and be known as the drunk guy who couldn’t drink two beers. I don’t know a bartender in their right mind who would want a bunch of customers slugging back 10% beers all night, much less the janitor. I had to appreciate them from a distance.
That all changed when the nice fellows at Boulevard in Kansas City invited me down to visit the brewery. Mike Utz showed me around his new, amazing facility and kindly ushered me into the tasting area at the end of our talk. I was greeted by the head brewer and several other brewery workers who guided me through several new beers they were brewing for what became their “Smokestack Series.” In the tasting area all the beers were on tap. I tried several and began to get a very warm comfortable sensation that told me I wouldn’t be driving for awhile. I enjoyed all the beers, but had the same old feeling of “What would I do with these?”
A couple months later I was invited to join the fellows again for the release party for the new series. Once I saw how it was packaged and displayed I finally got it.
These aren’t “extreme” beers, they are sipping beers. I had been thinking of this thing wrong the whole time. I had pictured some 30 year-old guy who had fried brain cells and taste buds to the point he had to drink 10% beer with two pounds of hops per pint just to get started. Boulevard and several others taught me that these beers are on purpose. It is not just a brewer who got sick of having poorly stored beer go bad and decided to pickle it with alcohol and hops, it is balance and art.
This new wave of products has even encouraged me to change my guzzling. I can sit with the fellows after a hard day at the brewery and patiently drink one of these in twice the time as a session beer because there is so much to enjoy. As a matter of fact, they even changed the way we brew. Every commercial batch we make now loses its first 15 gallons to our “reserve” batch that gets heavily hopped and is naturally higher in gravity.
In case you are still a bit afraid to take this to your next party, there is an easy solution. Just bring one 750ml bottle and offer it to several friends. You can talk about what a trendsetter you are and with an empty glass that used to contain 10% alcohol your friends will agree. After that, get back to the tried and true and you will be a hero. There is a wonderful world of new flavors out there, we just need to learn how to use them.

Lemons are for kids

Wheat beer has surely become one of the signs of Summer. Not that they aren't available all year long, but they sure do sound a lot better in summer.
Thanks to the German and Belgian traditions these wheat beers are often fruity. American wheat makers too scared to use the yeast to create these flavors encourage drinkers to add their own fruit to the mix. Lemons are the most common choice, but oranges have also begun to invade beer.
Allow me to start by saying that citrus in beer can be delicious. And... Just like mushed up beets are a favorite or new eaters, I'm sure lemons, limes and oranges do just fine for the neophyte drinker. But once you are ready to graduate to the big boy pants of drinking may I suggest jalapenos.
Keep in mind that several jalapeno laden beers are probably clouding my judgement right now, but this stuff rocks. I have had several "pepper" beers before. One local brewpub even made a good one, but most taste like pickles or worse.
My contribution to the world of beer is much better, much easier, and goes something like this:

1. Ask a good friend who has a garden to grow you some fresh jalapenos.
2. Offer sound knowledge for some of the peppers.
3. Cut the pepper in half, then into slices.
4. Pour yourself a very light wheat ale. The less carbonation the better.
5. Place jalapenos into beer and stir.
6. Drink beer.

This little recipe is sure to please. It will also burn your lips.

Next time you are at a bar ask them why there are no jalapenos in their condiment tray. If there are some, let me know the name of the bar and I will meet you there.

FESTIVAL SEASON ARRIVES

As any good beer lover knows there is no bad time for a beer, but there is no better time than a festival.
There are hundreds of different festivals in the United States and with very few exceptions they are the perfect places to enjoy a tasty beer. The tricky part of these grand celebrations is making the right choices. The most wonderful festival can be destroyed by choosing the wrong flavors to enjoy. I’m not here to order for you, just to help dodge the landmines and hit the easy home runs.
Some festivals make your choice of beer very easy. If you are at an actual beer festival get your little sample cup and get to it. The only thing to keep in mind at this type of event is a safe way home and food in between every couple dozen samples. Be sure to try things you are curious about first as your pallet will be a bit more discerning early on. As time goes by try a bunch of beers you would have never tried otherwise. You are bound to like about anything at this point and will become a sudden fan of beers you would have never tried otherwise.
The second easiest festivals are the seasonal variety. If you are at a Summerfest you are probably only choosing between light lagers and wheats anyway. Occasionally there will be a special seasonal one better than another but the key is to wet the whistle. 100 degree heat is not the right time to experiment. Stick with a domestic you know or some other favorite. Fall festivals are traditionally the best for beer. Many brewers make special beers just for the season and they are often their very best. I believe the word Oktoberfest is actually German for heaven. Feel free to find a beer that you like and that is easy to drink if you need to, but don’t resort to mass production at one of these wonderful events. Fall festivals are for the pros. Bud lights and frat boys are asked to disguise themselves for these sacred events. If you find yourself stuck outside at some winter event I’m not sure what to tell you. Find your way indoors next to a fire with a winter warmer selection nearby.
Then there are the ethnic festivals. As luck would have it, most of these festivals revolve around cultures where beer is fairly important. Irish and German festivals seem to be the most common for some strange reason. You would think these events would be easier than they are for selecting the right beer, but commercialism has made these a bit tricky. What do you do when Coors Light is the featured beer at the local Irish Fest? If there is no other choice I suppose you drink it or go home. Even if a major brewer is the sponsor of an ethnic festival there is usually some tent with something more authentic. What is the point of going to a cultural event just to experience American mainstream culture?The good news is there are very few festivals where the growing army of craft brewers haven’t at least put a toe in the door. Even State and County Fairs often have a few choices present. The key is to have fun. By simply looking at the list of sponsors for the event you should have a good idea of what you are getting into. Just remember you can always protest bad selection with a killer tailgate party.

VALENTINE'S IS A DAY FOR BEER

Well here we are in February again. Home to the beer guzzler’s biggest nemesis: Valentine’s Day. We beer lovers have done a pretty decent job of turning every other holiday to our advantage. I grant that St. Pat’s was an easy target, but just look what holiday beers and winter warmers have done to Christmas. 4th of July is one of the biggest beer days of the year. Memorial Day and Labor Day…done and done. But this Valentine’s Day is a real road block. I had to spend an hour in the beer aisle just to get a few ideas of where to start chipping away at this one.

It is not too hard to see where the problem lies. The very premise of Valentine’s Day is simple. Make guys do what women wish they would do all year or the men will spend the whole year getting bashed. I knew a thoughtful young man who bought his wife a beautiful new dishwasher. You would have thought this guy spit on her in public.
Given that, you can understand what a challenge squeezing a few delicious beers into this thinly disguised “Girl Day” is going to be, but don’t worry. I am here to save the day. In a few simple steps, you will be sharing brews with your sweetie and having the perfect romantic evening.

Beer #1: Boulder Brewing Company’s Mojo India Pale Ale
Almost every woman thought the first Austin Powers movie was funny. This is every guy’s chance to act like an idiot for a minute or two while quickly drinking this lovingly brewed IPA. Just make sure to drink this one yourself. It’s awfully heavy on the hops and if you give her that bitter beer face right off the bat--GAME OVER!

Beer #2: Coors’ Blue Moon
By now she is laughing at the little Mojo stunt and with any luck she is getting thirsty. “Do you have any Champagne?” she might ask. “Nope,” you’ll reply. “I have something even better.” Quickly pour two Blue Moons into wine glasses and BING! The smooth, fruity flavor and light color have both of you talking about how great she is.
NOTE: Be sure to have an escape hatch in the fridge. If the Blue Moon didn’t do it, be sure to have a fruit-flavored Michelob or something as a backup.

Beer #3: New Belgium Brewing’s Abbey Belgian Style Ale
I can only hope by now she is getting that sparkle in her eye, calling off dinner reservations and asking if you have any other treats in the beer frig. As luck would have it, you have Abbey Belgian Style Ale in the frig. How could anyone resist the rich mahogany color and fruity smoothness. (I’m not really tasting much fruit, but that’s what the label says.) It is smooth, though, and girls dig smooth. The wonder of this final choice is that the company is run by a woman, Kim Jordan, who’s husband was a home brewer and now they are rolling in cash. I had the pleasure of meeting her once, but she refused the cloning request.

If all this has gone your way, you are truly blessed and together we have beaten V-Day into submission. If this didn’t work, be sure to get in touch and I will see if the fellas at the brewery will help with a “Cupid’s Peach Wheat” for Valentine’s ’09.

IMPORTANT: Be sure you haven’t accidentally sabotaged yourself. Remove all
St. Pauli Girl and cheap canned beer from the frig prior to opening. I know cleavage on beer bottles and Pabst are fun, but you must stay focused.

GUZZLING AND REFLECTING A TONE

It seems like everything in America is an either or proposition. I’m sure this is true everywhere in the world. Up to this point it just seemed like a fact of life - until it crept into beer.
Either you like extreme beer or you like bland beer. Cans are the devil or the best thing ever invented by man. The list of beer arguments seems to be growing. Luckily, because of the subject of the argument these battles never seem to last very long or even be remembered.
Another either or trend has started up in beer publications as well. Either you are evaluating and putting numbers on beers or hopelessly describing the fine floral aspects of everything ever bottled.
To this humble guzzler, beer is man’s greatest gift and the fact that talking and writing about it have become boring is a sin.
To this end I will blab endlessly about everything having to do with life and beer, but with a few simple guidelines:
The only numbers to be associated with beer should involve measurements made by a brewer, ie. Gravity, temperature, color or carbonation.
Beers are not good or bad. Unless there is poison in one there is nothing inherently bad about a beer it just needs to be used in the right situation. Possibly in the glass of someone you don’t like, but all beer has a purpose.
There is no place the topic of beer should be off limits. If they can drink wine in church beer should be everywhere.
Out of these three rules, I probably feel the most strongly about #2. I think that beer is art. This is probably a bit easier to appreciate in some small craft brews than in mass market beers, but just because they are reproduced more doesn’t lessen their value. Starry night doesn’t get worse because Wal-Mart sells 5 billion copies. Any beer historian knows that making thick, chunky beers in the 1800’s was easy. The heroes were those with the skill to make it delicate and balanced.
Never has this become more obvious than with today’s craft beer brewers. “Big” beers will last in a bottle for years while delicious lighter offerings can turn to crap in a week.
This is probably starting to sound like I am some ninny who can’t gag down anything stronger than a Zima. Au contraire, I am thrilled each time Sam Adams and Dogfish Head try to one-up each other in the battle of alcohol. I have eaten hops right out of the tank. (Not recommended). But there is a time and place where every different beer should be properly guzzled. I can’t ever remember being in the bleachers at a ballgame in 100F heat and wished for a triple bock. I wouldn’t order a can of Stag on a first date. But don’t think for one minute I don’t stumble into the woods with a deer tag and a 30-pack of Pabst. Or that I don’t toast a sparkling Sierra Nevada at an upscale restaurant.To be a respectable beer guzzler in my opinion you must be a total contradiction and enjoy every sip!!