GUZZLING AND REFLECTING A TONE

It seems like everything in America is an either or proposition. I’m sure this is true everywhere in the world. Up to this point it just seemed like a fact of life - until it crept into beer.
Either you like extreme beer or you like bland beer. Cans are the devil or the best thing ever invented by man. The list of beer arguments seems to be growing. Luckily, because of the subject of the argument these battles never seem to last very long or even be remembered.
Another either or trend has started up in beer publications as well. Either you are evaluating and putting numbers on beers or hopelessly describing the fine floral aspects of everything ever bottled.
To this humble guzzler, beer is man’s greatest gift and the fact that talking and writing about it have become boring is a sin.
To this end I will blab endlessly about everything having to do with life and beer, but with a few simple guidelines:
The only numbers to be associated with beer should involve measurements made by a brewer, ie. Gravity, temperature, color or carbonation.
Beers are not good or bad. Unless there is poison in one there is nothing inherently bad about a beer it just needs to be used in the right situation. Possibly in the glass of someone you don’t like, but all beer has a purpose.
There is no place the topic of beer should be off limits. If they can drink wine in church beer should be everywhere.
Out of these three rules, I probably feel the most strongly about #2. I think that beer is art. This is probably a bit easier to appreciate in some small craft brews than in mass market beers, but just because they are reproduced more doesn’t lessen their value. Starry night doesn’t get worse because Wal-Mart sells 5 billion copies. Any beer historian knows that making thick, chunky beers in the 1800’s was easy. The heroes were those with the skill to make it delicate and balanced.
Never has this become more obvious than with today’s craft beer brewers. “Big” beers will last in a bottle for years while delicious lighter offerings can turn to crap in a week.
This is probably starting to sound like I am some ninny who can’t gag down anything stronger than a Zima. Au contraire, I am thrilled each time Sam Adams and Dogfish Head try to one-up each other in the battle of alcohol. I have eaten hops right out of the tank. (Not recommended). But there is a time and place where every different beer should be properly guzzled. I can’t ever remember being in the bleachers at a ballgame in 100F heat and wished for a triple bock. I wouldn’t order a can of Stag on a first date. But don’t think for one minute I don’t stumble into the woods with a deer tag and a 30-pack of Pabst. Or that I don’t toast a sparkling Sierra Nevada at an upscale restaurant.To be a respectable beer guzzler in my opinion you must be a total contradiction and enjoy every sip!!